Biopsy…

french wedding 1999

Can something ever be nothing, once it’s inside your head?

Can we turn back where we started, get a new thought there instead?

So intelligent and funny, I’m accustomed to your way,

You are fragile, I’m the mummy, and uncertain what to say?

I can upbeat, that’s my job, but this time it is us,

This is real and I must talk to you without making a fuss!

So I can’t it kiss better, make you a favourite meal,

A plaster just won’t fix this, and Tinkerbell’s not real…

I know that you’ll be fine, so please don’t look fore-lawn,

We’ll hide under the table to stay out of the storm…

I’m trained to practise gratitude and if that fails I pray,

I’m guessing fairy Lego won’t take the pain away?

I wrote this for my daughter when she had a scare with a fibroadenoma… It is very different when I think my daughter could be at risk and although I was delighted that they did a biopsy, waiting for results is horrible!

Harebrained scheme…

IMG_2019

I’m sending at risk that reception’s not chilly,

I’m sorry, I’m honest, the future’s not frilly,

Stick with it, I know that the rhyming’s quite silly,

It had to be so, can’t you see?

 

It got me, because I can stand on my head,

I wear fluffy bed jackets propped up in bed,

I can carry off lipstick with no hair, she said,

It had to be so, can’t you see?

 

If you’ve half of a mind, we’ve half of a chance,

Look inside, you’re given an ultrasound glance,

Though radio’s hot it’s all an advance,

It had to be so, can’t you see?

 

If we smile we have hope and in that we live,

We’ll not try to forget, but might to forgive,

Though they want to kill you, you might just re-live,

It had to be so, can’t you see?

 

Though daft, mischief’s worth it, it has to be tried,

Life’s lighter skipping on the funnier side,

Don’t just sit back there, please enjoy the ride,

It had to be so, can’t you see?

 

If the big things are smaller the cancer is too,

So be the ridiculous aspects of you,

Turn cartwheels if that helps the giggles come through,

It had to be so, can’t you see?IMG_2026

 

‘Though the wishes and dreams now have wide gaping seams,

And I know how bad the nightmare, it screams,

It’s mad, but side splitting (tee-hee) by all means,

It had to be so, can’t you see?

 

I think a lot about physical vs mental illness and I have the mind I want, not body, but I don’t mind…  If I can laugh then I have everything!

 

© 8/2014 Ailsa Tims. All rights reserved

Devine intervention…

Photo on 03-08-2014 at 16.20 #3

Dear Jesus, would you mind, I asked,

Could we create a worthier past?

Irrational solution; fun ahead,

Diversion, revolution, rub out the things I dread,Photo on 03-08-2014 at 16.20 #4

If I can hope,

If you can cope,

This viral doubt won’t spread…

Dear Lord I know I’m needy,

I’m vain and daft and greedy,

I can be nice, if you can cure,

Photo on 03-08-2014 at 16.21Is that God’s plan? Not sure,

Transaction futility,

Life viability,

I should have arranged this before…

Father, Son and Holy Ghost,

I do good works now for the most

Part, jollying the days of others,

The sick, their families and mothers,

Amateur charity,

Justify saving me,

Sometimes my energy smothers….

 

Photo on 03-08-2014 at 16.21 #2I have always been a Christian and it helped me a lot when I was ill. I have to confess to bargaining with God on many occasions and to wishing I had been a better, more deserving, person -but then, the good are the ones who die young! I feel a big need to payback and that can make me a bit painful to be around -never give me a tambourine!